Growing up, I never thought of ‘making friends’ as a skill I was taught in school. It just happened. You made friends with your classmates and maybe with people from outside activities. You were always surrounded by other people your age and there was always something fun and new to try where you could meet people.
College was the same and I left college with beautiful friendships I’ll treasure for the rest of my life. I’m still in contact with most of them and I care for them deeply.
But then I moved back home. I was living in a town different from (but near) where I grew up and I had lost contact with all but a few friends from high school. None of my college friends were in the same state. It was just me and my husband and his friends. And I realized how hard it could be to make friends as an adult.
I’ve always had an aversion to being friends with someone from work. I’ll do an occasional thing outside of the office like a run or a large group family get together, but I’ve never thought of making friends with my coworkers. Even though I shared an office with another woman about my age at my first job, I never considered befriending her. Work is work, and life happens outside of it.
It took me a few months to start finding friends. The first success I had was through the website Meetup.com. I joined a writers’ group and even though it was a bit of a drive, I made three really good friends from that group. It took a few months before I had the confidence to invite them over to dinner and start building friendships, but I’m so glad I did. That gave me the confidence to know I could make friends on my own.
Unfortunately, two of those girls moved away and the other one and I don’t talk anymore. More miraculously, I have another group of three women from that group I’m now friends with. And I’m the youngest by about five years. But the eldest is older than my mother. This was another good lesson for me, learning that my friends weren’t always going to be my age. Some people give me a weird look when I mention my friend’s grandchild but I’ve gotten over it. We’re not bound to our age-peers once we’re out of school.
I’ve since found friends through my church and athletic groups that I’m very close with as well, but that writing group was a great first step for me. And friendships build on friendships. I’m friends with people I met through acquaintances I don’t speak with anymore and those friendships are incredible. I wish someone had told me making friends was a skill when I was in school. Maybe I would have practiced a little more.
Until next time, write on.
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Taking On a World of Words 
I can relate. I’ve started to make some friends through church but it takes a while. And I found a book club on Meetup but attendance is usually so sparse, we aren’t very organized, and most of us don’t seem to have clicked all that well. The woman who started the group moved away and I really liked her!
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Meetup was good but for sure not what solved my problem. Like you said, it can be very inconsistent. Good luck finding your niche!!
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Thanks. Same to you!
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This is so true. About 5 years ago my work gave my husband and I the opportunity to move to a different part of the country. Here we had no friends or family, just our work colleagues. And I won’t lie, it’s been hard. Some of those work colleagues have turned into real, true friendships, but as with you, because they are people I work with, I tend not to invite them right into my personal life. I wish I had known about things like meetup.com when we moved here!!
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Our first few years married had the same problem. It’s good to have each other, but sometimes you need someone else around so you don’t go crazy.
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I’ve found most “friends” come and go throughout my life. Love the definition of a real friend as someone you can call at 3am:)
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I have friends I can call at 5am so I’m getting close then, haha.
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