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Book Club Reflection: A Mother’s Reckoning by Sue Klebold

19 May

I read the book so long ago that A Mother’s Reckoning felt like this meeting was never going to happen. We have had some disruptions at our library so that it even got canceled for a few days but then was back on. I ended up volunteering to lead the discussion. This was an emotional discussion for us because of the nature of Sue’s tragedy but I think we still had a good discussion.

It was hard for Klebold to grieve the loss of her son because outside of her immediate family, no one was grieving with her. They were angry at what Dylan had done and unable to see that she’d lost a child, too. One of our readers felt it was amazing Tom and Sue could get up every morning. Not only did they lose Dylan, but they also lost the child they thought Dylan was. Their Sunshine Boy ended up doing something unforgivable and they had to reconcile that. Sue did well writing this book and acknowledges she had help to do so. One thing we found throughout her writing is how much she blamed Eric for the tragedy. She says she recognizes that Dylan was a part of it, but she still seems to point a finger toward Eric.

There are a few parents in our group and we talked about the secrets that are kept between parents and children. Some readers shared stories of things they found out their children had done as teenagers that didn’t come out into the open until their 30s. Almost all of us admit to doing something our parents didn’t know about or lying to our parents about what we did. Some felt sorry for the parents of this generation. Growing up, there was a house phone and you knew who your kids were talking to and you had a chance to talk to their friends. Now, parents need to check their children’s phones for text and social media. Still, kids can hide a lot by deleting texts and creating second social media pages. Kids will always find a way if they want to.

Eric and Dylan were both early releases from their diversion program even though that was rare. They were able to put up a good front, similar to Ted Bundy and other unsavory people who knew how to win people over. Dylan lied about how he was feeling and the depression he was suffering from during his intake for the program. One reader pointed out that many times depressed individuals will lie about how they’re feeling because they don’t want to feel like a burden and talking about their depression can feel like burdening others.

The Columbine tragedy caused a lot of changes to our society. It was one of the early indicators of the problems associated with bullying. The teachers in the school are accused of not stopping a toxic culture of bullying that fueled the anger Dylan and Eric felt. They saw it so often that they thought it was normal and didn’t think it was worth speaking out against. This showed how dangerous it can be to normalize that behavior. There were two other readers on our call that were around my age and shared what they remembered changing in school after Columbine. We didn’t remember active shooter drills. I think those became more common after Sandy Hook. There’s been research that the drills are traumatizing for children. What we do remember is the number of bomb threats that were made in our schools afterward. One girl remembered monthly threats before a girl’s friends finally turned her in for making them. We recalled people who were known to do them to get out of tests. I remember one that was in the middle of my AP Spanish exam.

I think it’s fair to say school shootings are a curable disease in American culture. There’s a lot that can be done to limit them besides gun control measures: education around adolescent brain illness, anti-bullying campaigns, and encouraging students to speak up when their peers need help. Klebold is fighting for treatments for brain illness and we all commend her for her effort.

Our next meeting will be virtual as well, but the hope is that we’ll return to meeting in person soon. I just want to order some duck nuggets while we meet. Until next time, write on.

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