I’ll admit Dr. Becky is one of those people I follow on Instagram. I’m a Millenial Mom and I follow a series of influencers to give me advice on how to raise my kids. I liked what she had to say there and I thought I’d follow it up with reading her book and seeing what I could glean from more content.
Cover image via Amazon
Good Inside by Dr. Becky Kennedy
Summary from Amazon:
Over the past several years, Dr. Becky Kennedy—known to her followers as “Dr. Becky”—has been sparking a parenting revolution. Millions of parents, tired of following advice that either doesn’t work or simply doesn’t feel good, have embraced Dr. Becky’s empowering and effective approach, a model that prioritizes connecting with our kids over correcting them.
Parents have long been sold a model of childrearing that simply doesn’t work. From reward charts to time outs, many popular parenting approaches are based on shaping behavior, not raising humans. These techniques don’t build the skills kids need for life, or account for their complex emotional needs. Add to that parents’ complicated relationships with their own upbringings, and it’s easy to see why so many caretakers feel lost, burned out, and worried they’re failing their kids. In Good Inside, Dr. Becky shares her parenting philosophy, complete with actionable strategies, that will help parents move from uncertainty and self-blame to confidence and sturdy leadership.
Offering perspective-shifting parenting principles and troubleshooting for specific scenarios—including sibling rivalry, separation anxiety, tantrums, and more—Good Inside is a comprehensive resource for a generation of parents looking for a new way to raise their kids while still setting them up for a lifetime of self-regulation, confidence, and resilience.
I found parts of this book more helpful than others. The first part set up Dr. Becky’s philosophy. She went over looking at what we are teaching out children about their feelings by our responses, how we might have been raised versus how we want to raise our kids, and how we can give our children’s behavior a generous interpretation. I liked when she’d compare what we say to our kids to what our spouses might say to us. The second part, which applied the approach to common behaviors, was the most useful to me. I have a very energetic and oppinionated two year old so chapters on tatrums, lying, and whining were really relevant to me now. Other chapters were less applicable and were slower for me to get through or feel value in. I recommended my partner read a handful of chapters from this rather than the whole thing.
Some of the interventions and modifications Dr. Becky suggests are difficult to put into practice. I was recovering from a C-Section so the physical intervention for a violent tantrum wasn’t an option for me. Other parents who are limited physically would struggle with that. There were also some topics that weren’t covered I would have liked some insight on. My toddler recently started saying mean things to us and some insight on what to do when you hear “Daddy, you so stuipid” would be much appreciated right now.
Each chapter started with an interaction between parent and child to help set up the behavior that would be addressed in that chapter. I found that to be pretty helpful so you could see how it would play out. However, the resolutions always seemed too clean. I don’t think these techniques would work 100% of the time (they haven’t for me) so knowing how to follow up when something doesn’t go right would be helpful, too.
Dr. Becky Kennedy Image via the Child Mind Institute
The chapter on not listening was the most relevant to me. My toddler seems to ignore half of what we say and says ‘Huh?’ the other half of the time. I’ve been working on engaging with them more and playing when I can to build some connection capital and I think it’s working. We’ve been getting one-on-one time as much as possible (which is hard as a nursing mama) and I love that time with them, too.
Some of the chapters are much more relevant to older children and that wasn’t something I needed to read now. Maybe I’ll come back to this later? I think it could have been helpful to have some chapters give an age range of when you might expect that behavior so it would be easier to pick and choose.
One thing Dr. Becky says on repeat is that it’s never too late to make a change. We can always ask for forgiveness from our children and tell them we’re sorry. I love the idea of apologizing when we don’t act the way we wanted to. I’ve snapped in front of my kid as I’m sure many parents have. Now I apologize instead of ignoring it. I also pause and take deep breaths before I react to many things so I react in a more thoughtful way when I can. I’m not perfect, but I feel like I’m doing better.
Writer’s Takeaway: I don’t think I’ll ever be an expert on something like Dr. Becky but reading this has given me ideas about structure for non-fiction. I’m horrible at skipping around a book for the parts that are most relevant to me but Kennedy made it easy to do that if you’d wanted to. Her book is an example of good organization and giving the audience information in easy-to-find sections which I really enjoyed.
A helpful resource for the toddler years and beyond. Four out of Five Stars.
Until next time, write on.
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